I read a great "mommy" article today Here that explains the pressures that moms face everyday. I also had a Facebook friend who said that she got fed up with the fake-ness of Facebook because let's face it, when you feel like your going "no where" in your profession, life, relationships... reading about others who are, isn't awesome. She pointed out that she didn't want to read about her friends who became moms, wives etc, when she wasn't able to experience that. She felt like a failure. I've realized it even more since becoming a mom. I can understand how annoying it can be to open your computer and see picture after picture of baby...everything baby and you don't even LIKE babies! I get irritated too with multiple posts of stuff I could care less about, that's why Facebook has filter settings :) Just understand, what people post about/blog about, is probably a large part of their life. Whether it be a fitness post every-single-day, pictures of their dogs (who haven't changed since the last picture 30 minutes ago), the baby you've seen everyday since they were born; it's that person's life. You can learn a lot about someone by the things that annoy you most.
Can anyone relate to these?
Your a bad mom if you ...
Formula feed, spank, public school, stomach sleep, go back to work, don't immediately drop weight after baby is born, don't teach baby sign-language, your two year old still uses a pacifier, you don't sign your kid up for x,y, and z before they can even crawl, etc etc.
Your a bad wife if...
You don't stay home, you don't cook dinner every night, your house is in shambles and you are in bed, you don't go out 3 times a week, you aren't working out 5 times a week, you don't own any pair of heels, you can't cook to save your life.
For me, the pressures of being a parent are overwhelming and you know what? What's wrong with being the best YOU can be and stop worrying about what Jane Doe is doing. Who cares that her kid is 10 months and knows sign-language up and down. Who cares that you chose to give your child formula? Who cares if you breastfeed? Who cares that the best you have is to come home every night from work and love your child unconditionally. Who cares that you can't be the mom who is giving her child every new experience every weekend because you have to work? Who cares that your child is two and you are still carrying 20 extra "baby" pounds.
Moms are the worst critics. We're critical of others not parenting the "right way," and we are most critical of ourselves. I had a moment of panic when Gavin was about 8 months that "OMG, he hasn't been in swimming lessons, I haven't taken him to the museum, playland, see Santa, the Easter Bunny, blah blah blah." I was hard on myself for having to work, I was hard on myself for Gavin having to be hospitalized, I was hard on myself for every-tiny-thing. I've been the absolute best mom that I can be, best parent I can be, and best person I know how to be (not that there isn't room for constant improvement). There are of course things I want for his future and I believe the way his childhood is shaped will hopefully impact his future. However, the best parents sometime have kids who misbehave, kids who fail, kids who aren't rocket-scientists...but the parents did the best they could. They loved them with all they had, they provided for them and they were there for them. (This is not to say that there aren't bad parents- those who abuse their children, etc.) I love this excerpt from the article linked above...
"You need to start to see all you do accomplish in a day. All the smiles of encouragement, meals made, clothes changed, books read, and more. Just like I wrote yesterday - we make mistakes- we just need to learn from them. We're out of breath, racing, and exhausted, but truly not failing. Failing means stopping. Not getting up, not trying, not giving. That's not you. I want you to stop telling yourself you're failing. Instead I want you to replace it with I can do this.
You can do this."
Since being a mother, I have lost friends who think i'm too caught up in being a mom, I have met new friends, I have lost my job because I was only willing to give 100% and not 180%, I was willing to work 40 hours and not 60. I was never and will never be "married" to my job. I will work hard when i'm there but my family will always come first. The point is, my family is my life and it revolves around them. I need my friends to support me and I need them just as much, as some are like family...but my family is my home, my backbone, my everything.
For those are not yet or never will be parents... parenting is not easy. It's not as glamorous as it looks in the magazines, on Facebook or wherever else. It's hard, really hard. It's tiring, it's exhausting, it's messy, but it's also rewarding. Going to work with spit up in my purse, baby poop smeared down my leg, your chest leaking through your shirt at a meeting, un-showered hair, having fixed my hair once since I've had him..all the great parts of being a mom (sarcasm) but it's real life. Your not any less of a person for not wanting children, or even not wanting them for another 10 years, but please don't judge my decisions to do so. It's hard to understand other's priorities sometimes. Mine has always been family. What did I want to be when I grew/grow up? A mom, a wife, a good person. It's an ongoing process. I have friends however, where their job comes first. Their success in life is seen as a high status job. I will never understand that, but I can accept that we aren't at the same place, we're different and that's what makes our friendship work.
"Promise me you'll always remember, your braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think"- Christopher Robin
Heather! Please don't ever doubt yourself. Every picture posted with your adorable baby shows that you're an amazing mom giving your amazing son an amazing life. You are a wonderful mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc. please don't ever doubt that. And if you ever do, I'll remind you of how wonderful you are. :)
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